Here's a confession: I did not participate in the Red Dress Run last year because I thought my costume was too crappy. Guess what? I would have been overdressed with my idea of perfection and even with my "failure".
Tonight, my husband and our daughter went to the Mardi Gras Costume Museum for an opening featuring the Dames of Perlage. As you may recall, I was a member of Persephone's Dragonflies for the first five years of their existence. Since I've become a mother I've done Mardi Gras light. I've been phoning it in. My costume closet has only seen light because half of it holds my daughter and I's winter coats. I've costumed a little bit for Halloween, but for the most part I phone it in. Again, compared to most people, I'm still big timing it, but in my head and my heart, I'm not putting in the effort I feel like my costumes need.
Mardi Gras is my favorite time of year and Halloween is a close second. I love bringing out my alter-ego. I love making my costumes and putting things together to create a character if you will. Drawing and sculpting and printmaking are all awesome and I love those, too, but for the last few years, my interest has really been in clothes and creating my own look.
I've also realized recently that I don't have my own life anymore. When I lived by myself and was single, I was rarely home because I was always out socializing and meeting people. My job is what provides that for me now. My husband is the socialite and I oftentimes prefer to stay home. what happened to me? This year, I'm making myself go out and do things I really want to do. So far, so good. I no longer have the physical space to create - our daughter's bedroom is my former studio and she takes up the place. She deserves her owns pace; I'm not saying the opposite. It just means I do not have my own space anymore.
Attending the opening tonight stirred something up in me. I need my own life, I need to find a space to create again, and I need to get out socially again. My job is not my life and I can't keep using it as my form of entertainment and dose of culture (even though that is the type of programming I try to provide). While I'm very proud of my job and my family, I need to reclaim my sense of self so I don't disappear into work, parenthood, motherhood. That wouldn't be beneficial for anyone. I need to be me again, and if that means costuming in full force (my version) ...I need to make the time and the space. I need to honor my true self.
